{"id":104,"date":"2009-10-28T11:22:21","date_gmt":"2009-10-28T17:22:21","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.cemeterydance.com\/extras\/?p=104"},"modified":"2016-07-12T12:21:17","modified_gmt":"2016-07-12T18:21:17","slug":"theyre-all-writers-and-you-can-too-by-hank-wagner","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.cemeterydance.com\/extras\/theyre-all-writers-and-you-can-too-by-hank-wagner\/","title":{"rendered":"“They’re All Writers (And You Can Too)” by Hank Wagner"},"content":{"rendered":"

“They’re All Writers (And You Can\u00a0Too)”
\nby Hank Wagner<\/strong><\/p>\n

When CD approached me about doing this piece on how-to writing books, I first\u00a0asked, “Why?” Their response was “Why not? We’ll pay you.” After the quick dismissal\u00a0of all that philosophical baggage, I then asked, “Are you sure you want someone\u00a0who doesn’t write fiction?” Again, they soothed me: “That’s exactly what we\u00a0want, just do a survey, and throw in a bit of opinion, and viola!” So, first\u00a0understand that fact: I don’t write fiction, I write about<\/em> fiction, and\u00a0so read this type of book primarily for biographical info on the writers I enjoy,\u00a0and then to see what I can learn about writing that might inform my reviews\u00a0and interviews (ok, and maybe a little to see if I could actually do it some\u00a0day, a temptation I’ve so far happily resisted\u2014like Helen Holm of The World\u00a0According to Garp,<\/em> I seem to be a reader by inclination). That said, here\u00a0comes the first pronouncement. It is my firmly held belief that:<\/p>\n

YOU CAN’T LEARN TO WRITE BY READING A HOW-TO BOOK ON WRITING, YOU CAN ONLY LEARN WAYS TO IMPROVE YOUR WRITING.<\/p>\n

That’s the skinny, the unvarnished truth. Any published writer worth his or her salt will confirm this: it’s like diet pills, or get-rich-quick schemes, or playing Beethoven to your baby to insure he becomes a genius, and all that other mystical, magical, pseudo-scientific hogwash that we all instinctually long to believe in: nothing comes for free, especially publishable prose. Most agree that becoming a proficient writer comes only through hard work, determination, and, perhaps most important of all, persistence. No magic wands, no magic bullets, just good old, mundane, endurance.<\/p>\n

So, how do you become a better<\/em> writer?<\/p>\n

I think, first , that, you need to be a voracious reader, better yet a critical reader, to be a good writer. So, read, read, read, and make it a point to read outside of the genre you wish to work in. Other people have been there before you, and the evidence rests in libraries and bookstores everywhere. Read to learn.<\/p>\n

Then, instead of reading so-called how to books about writing, you’re probably better off first investing in a small reference library, which includes, but is not limited to, the following invaluable items:<\/p>\n

WEBSTER’S UNABRIDGED DICTIONARY<\/p>\n

ROGET’S THESAURUS<\/p>\n

THE ELEMENTS OF STYLE by Strunk and White<\/p>\n

THE BIBLE<\/p>\n

THE COMPLETE WORKS OF WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE<\/p>\n

THE COLUMBIA HISTORY OF THE WORLD<\/p>\n

OXFORD ENGLISH DICTIONARY<\/p>\n

THE DICTIONARY OF CULTURAL LITERACY<\/p>\n

THE BOOK OF LISTS<\/p>\n

THE HERO WITH A 1000 FACES<\/p>\n

BULLFINCH’S MYTHOLOGY<\/p>\n

Once you have these basic tools of the trade, however, feel free to purchase\u00a0all the writing books you desire, both as learning tools, and as cheap sources\u00a0of inspiration. There are many, many books on the subject, many of them worthy.\u00a0Well organized, certainly memorable, any or all of the following should help\u00a0aspiring writers in their unending quest for guidance and reassurance:<\/p>\n

ON WRITING, by Stephen King, worth the price of admission if only for his rant on adverbs and his sage advice about relying on Strunk and White’s little masterwork.<\/p>\n

LESSONS FROM A LIFETIME OF WRITING: A NOVELIST LOOKS AT HIS CRAFT, by David Morrell, a very intimate, very informative, very engaging book.<\/p>\n

A WRITER’S TALE, by Richard Laymon. Laymon tells it like it was, for him. Heartbreaking at times, but inspiring too.<\/p>\n

THE COMPLETE IDIOT’S GUIDE TO WRITING A NOVEL, by Tom Monteleone. You’d have to be a complete idiot to ignore this book (ok, not the joke I really wanted to do, but Tom is a pretty formidable fellow).<\/p>\n

WRITING POPULAR FICTION and HOW TO WRITE BEST SELLING FICTION, by Dean Koontz, both oldies, but goodies.<\/p>\n

WRITING THE NOVEL, SPIDER SPIN ME A WEB, and TELLING LIES FOR FUN AND PROFIT, by Lawrence Block. Block has likely forgotten more about writing than most writers will ever know.<\/p>\n

WRITING HORROR, edited by Mort Castle, HOW TO WRITE TALES OF HORROR, FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION, edited by J. N. Williamson, and ON WRITING HORROR: A HANDBOOK BY THE HORROR WRITER’S ASSOCIATION, all featuring articles from stars of the genre.<\/p>\n

DARK DREAMERS and DARK THOUGHTS ON WRITNG, edited\/compiled by Stanley Wiater. Books about writers.<\/p>\n

UNDERSTANDING COMICS, by Scott McCloud. Yes, it’s about comics, but it’s also about storytelling.<\/p>\n

ZEN AND THE ART OF WRITING, by Ray Bradbury. Hey, it’s Bradbury.<\/p>\n

WRITING SHORT FICTION, by Damon Knight. Knight knows his way around the short form.<\/p>\n

ADVENTURES IN THE SCREEN TRADE and WHICH LIE DID I TELL: MORE ADVENTURES IN THE SCREEN TRADE, by William Goldman. The titles say it all.<\/p>\n

ON WRITING, by George V. Higgins, THE MERRY HEART and READING & WRITING, by Robertson Davies, and BIRD BY BIRD, by Francine Prose, because it’s my article, damn it.<\/p>\n

But, you don’t have to rely on these obvious suspects. There are also other\u00a0sources of wisdom about writing and the writing life from non- traditional sources.\u00a0Some say, for instance, that Hemingway’s book, DEATH IN THE AFTERNOON, is really\u00a0about writing, rather than bullfighting. I’ll leave it up to you to decide.<\/p>\n

Paula Guran’s 2001 article “Tribal Stand,” available on the web at\u00a0http:\/\/www.locusmag.com\/2002\/Commentary\/Guran09_Standard.html<\/a> tells a lot of truths about the horror genre and the writing profession, things\u00a0that many people still don’t want, but need to, accept. Another source of wisdom\u00a0about the writing life would be the numerous introductions and story notes that\u00a0Harlan Ellison has penned over the years for his collections, which inarguably\u00a0provide a wealth of information about one writer’s journey, and about the trials\u00a0and tribulations and joys of pursuing the craft.<\/p>\n

OK, we all long for simplicity, so let’s put up some lists. One fruitful source\u00a0of practical wisdom about writing is Norm Partridge’s MR. FOX AND OTHER FERAL\u00a0TALES, an outstanding collection featuring a lot of his fiction and nonfiction.\u00a0Here’s a piece Partridge culled from that work for an article which originally\u00a0appeared in the e-magazine Hellnotes<\/em> back in October 2005. I’ve further\u00a0whittled that summary down, without, I hope, diminishing its impact (Partridge’s\u00a0preferred version can be found on his website, www.normanpartridge.com<\/a>):<\/p>\n\n\n\n
10 TIPS FROM MR. FOX & MR. PARTRIDGE by Norman Partridge<\/strong><\/p>\n

1. YOUR WRITING IS YOUR BUSINESS: Whatever your chosen field of endeavor\u00a0— whether you want to write screenplays, short stories, novels, or comic\u00a0scripts — it’s wise to remember a point Jack London made a long time
\nago: the works you produce as a writer are marketable goods.<\/p>\n

2. KNOW YOUR MARKET: Become familiar with an editor’s product before\u00a0you submit your work. Read his magazines or previous anthologies. Study\u00a0his editorial guidelines. Understand the kinds of fiction he’s bought
\nin the past and you’ll understand what kinds of stories he is likely to\u00a0buy in the future.<\/p>\n

3. NEVER WASTE AN EDITOR’S TIME: Most editors don’t have much of that\u00a0particular commodity. If you want to do business as a writer, show editors\u00a0that you know what being a pro is all about. Follow guidelines. Submit
\npolished manuscripts. If you have a question to ask, ask it.<\/p>\n

4. DON’T WORK FOR FREE: Early on, I decided that submitting my fiction\u00a0to markets that didn’t offer at least a token payment was a waste of my\u00a0time.<\/p>\n

5. MAKE YOUR WORK WORK FOR YOU: You need to learn to pick your shots.\u00a0You need to learn to make those shots count. If you give away your best\u00a0story to your buddy’s webzine before trying to sell it to a well-paying\u00a0market with a high circulation because you’re too impatient to wait a\u00a0few months for a professional editor’s reply, what good has that story\u00a0really done you? If you “sell” a story to a POD anthology that pays in\u00a0shared royalties (and that maybe twenty people will read), how has that\u00a0advanced your career? If you spend a year writing a novel, and you cut\u00a0a deal with the first small publisher who buys you a beer at a writer’s\u00a0convention instead of working to find an agent who can represent your\u00a0book or a publisher who will treat it as more than a cool hobby he can\u00a0tinker with on weekends (unless it’s football season, that is)\u2026 well,\u00a0don’t say I didn’t warn you.<\/p>\n

6. TOP MARKETS ARE A TOP PRIORITY: If you’re a newcomer submitting to\u00a0top-drawer anthologies or magazines, you need to bear down, work hard,\u00a0and get about as serious as a heart attack, because your story doesn’t\u00a0just have to be as good as the submissions from the “name” writer you’re\u00a0competing against, it has to be BETTER\u2026 and I’m talking better by a long\u00a0shot, not by a hair.<\/p>\n

7. REJECTION IS INEVITABLE: Simple fact of life — your stories will\u00a0be rejected. When that happens, don’t feel sorry for yourself. Don’t give\u00a0up. Toss that rejection in the waste basket. Pin it to your wall and use\u00a0it for inspiration. File it in your filing cabinet and forget about it.\u00a0But whatever you do, get back in there. Sit down at your desk. Turn on\u00a0your computer. Get to work.<\/p>\n

8. KEEP CLIMBING: Always have your eye on the next rung of the career\u00a0ladder.<\/p>\n

9. YOUR KEYBOARD IS BUILT FOR ONE: Some writers swear by the group method. \u00a0They believe in workshopping a story. I don’t.<\/p>\n

10. INSTANT GRATIFICATION IS NOT YOUR FRIEND: I’ll say it one more time–always start at the top when marketing your work. It’s a much harder road.\u00a0I doubt you’ll find one bit of instant gratification on it. You’ll probably\u00a0get more people grinding their heels into your ego than you would if you\u00a0focused exclusively on the small press. But remember-the ultimate point\u00a0of writing is communication. You’ve got to aim for a larger readership
\nif you want to build a real audience for your work.<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table>\n

A little more streamlined are Elmore Leonard’s 10 rules of writing, which\u00a0although incorporated into a longer how-to book by Morrow in 2007 (titled, not\u00a0surprisingly, ELMORE LEONARD’S 10 RULES OF WRITING), first appeared as a part\u00a0of an article in the New York Times, titled “Easy on the Adverbs, Exclamation\u00a0Points and Especially Hooptedoodle.” They are, as paraphrased from that\u00a0article:<\/p>\n\n\n\n
1. Never open a book with weather.<\/p>\n

2. Avoid prologues.<\/p>\n

3. Never use a verb other than “said” to carry dialogue.<\/p>\n

4. Never use an adverb to modify the verb “said”\u2026he admonished gravely.<\/p>\n

5. Keep your exclamation points under control. You are allowed no more
\nthan two or three per 100,000 words of prose.<\/p>\n

6. Never use the words “suddenly” or “all hell broke loose.”<\/p>\n

7. Use regional dialect, patois, sparingly.<\/p>\n

8. Avoid detailed descriptions of characters.<\/p>\n

9. Don’t go into great detail describing places and things.<\/p>\n

10. Try to leave out the part that readers tend to skip.<\/p>\n

Leonard’s most important rule is one that sums up the preceding 10:\u00a0if it sounds like writing, he rewrites it.<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table>\n

You can learn a lot from professors Partridge and Leonard, I think. I’d like\u00a0to close this article, however, with two bits of profound wisdom I’ve picked\u00a0up in my travels. The first is from Neil Gaiman, who, reflecting on the best
\nadvice he ever got from a writer, wrote the following on his 4\/22\/08 blog:<\/p>\n\n\n\n
In the shower today I tried to think about the best advice I’d ever\u00a0been given by another writer. There was something that someone said at my\u00a0first Milford, about using style as a covering, but sooner or later you
\nwould have to walk naked down the street, that was useful… <\/em>
\nAnd then I remembered. It was Harlan Ellison about a decade ago. <\/em><\/p>\n

He said, “Hey. Gaiman. What’s with the stubble? Every time I see\u00a0you, you’re stubbly. What is it? Some kind of English fashion statement?”
\n<\/em><\/p>\n

“Not really.” <\/em><\/p>\n

“Well? Don’t they have razors in England for Chrissakes?” <\/em><\/p>\n

“If you must know, I don’t like shaving because I have a really\u00a0tough beard and sensitive skin. So by the time I’ve finished shaving I’ve\u00a0usually scraped my face a bit. So I do it as little as possible.” <\/em><\/p>\n

“Oh.” He paused. “I’ve got that too. What you do is, you rub your\u00a0stubble with hair conditioner. Leave it a couple of minutes, then wash\u00a0it off. Then shave normally. Makes it really easy to shave. No scraping.”
\n<\/em><\/p>\n

I tried it. It works like a charm. Best advice from a writer I’ve\u00a0ever received. <\/em><\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table>\n

Finally, perhaps the sagest, most succinct advice on writing you’ll ever encounter\u00a0is set forth below. Gleaned from the writings of notable East Texas philosopher\u00a0and word wrangler, Champion Joe Lansdale (you can find a slightly longer version\u00a0in his Introduction titled “Livestock, Roses, and Stories” from FOR A FEW STORIES
\nMORE), the two tenets of his faith are set forth under the heading:<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\n

“LANSDALE’S GUIDE TO WRITING (Not Rules of Writing)”<\/p>\n

1. Put your ass in a chair and write. (Okay. I lied. This one is a rule.)<\/p>\n

2. Turn off the TV and read. All kinds of things. Not just what you\u00a0want to write. (This one is also a rule.)”<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table>\n

I hope the two quotes above put everything in perspective. If not, get cracking\u00a0on reading all those how-to books listed above.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

“They’re All Writers (And You Can\u00a0Too)” by Hank Wagner When CD approached me about doing this piece on how-to writing books, I first\u00a0asked, “Why?” Their response was “Why not? We’ll pay you.” After the quick dismissal\u00a0of all that philosophical baggage, I then asked, “Are you sure you want someone\u00a0who doesn’t write fiction?” Again, they soothed … Continue Reading! ““They’re All Writers (And You Can Too)” by Hank Wagner”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":5,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[10],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-104","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-advice-for-writers"],"yoast_head":"\n"They're All Writers (And You Can Too)" by Hank Wagner - 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