post covers just two pieces (one \u201cold\u201d and one \u201cnew\u201d), I think I\u2019m going to be doing this for a while. I sure hope you\u2019ll join me along the way. <\/span><\/p>\nIf so, then welcome, friend! Feel free to read each story along with me or just take it all in while I do the hard work and wax poetic with my observations. <\/span><\/p>\nEither way, grab your shovel and dig in. There\u2019s no telling what we\u2019ll unearth together.<\/span><\/p>\nHello again, super fans! As promised last time, this installment of <\/span>Exhumed<\/span><\/i> will feature works by Franklin E. Wales and Erin L. Kemper. <\/span><\/p>\n\n- Wales\u2019s story, \u201cEnd of the Line,\u201d appears in Cemetery Dance<\/em> #2 (1989).<\/span><\/li>\n
- Kemper\u2019s piece, titled \u201cSeed,\u201d is from the famed Joe Hill special issue, #74\/75 (2016).<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n
That\u2019s a spread of 27 years!\u00a0<\/span>Wow!<\/span><\/p>\nOkay then.\u00a0<\/span>Let\u2019s get to it\u2026<\/p>\nTHE OLD: \u201cEnd of the Line\u201d<\/b><\/span><\/h5>\n![\"\"](\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.cemeterydance.com\/extras\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/03\/CD2.jpg?resize=266%2C350&ssl=1\")
AUTHOR: <\/b>Franklin E. Wales<\/span><\/p>\nAPPEARANCE:<\/b> Cemetery Dance <\/span><\/i>#2:<\/span> <\/i>June, 1989<\/span>. (Story #7 of 11)<\/span><\/p>\nA BRIEF PLOT SUMMARY (with spoilers!):\u00a0<\/b>A photographer who found success in a pair of coffee table books featuring the homeless of America is searching for his next great idea. He thinks he finds it when he begins killing, then staging and photographing them immediately after death. He gets a rude shock one night when he realizes his most recent victim is one of the original homeless men from his second book—a man whom he\u2019d met in another city far away and whom he\u2019d gotten to know a little and liked. The realization causes him to quit his killing spree and sends him searching for one final photograph: the perfect cover image which he knows must be without death but which will perfectly capture the hopeless nature of his subject matter. He finds his perfect photo in a group of homeless surrounding a burning barrel. He offers them money in exchange for taking their photograph, but they turn out to be the retribution he deserves. These people are all his former victims, and they burn him to death, but not without recording the event with his camera. \u00a0<\/span><\/p>\nMY GRADE: A-<\/b><\/p>\n
MY REVIEW: <\/b>“End of the Line\u201d begins as a series of perspective-changing sequences, the first four of which take up only one column of text and show us: the murder of the man our killer will later recognize from his past; the killer\u2019s anonymous call to \u00a09-1-1; a Detective Sergeant Will Richards complaining about the news hounds who so often beat the cops to any given crime scene; and an unnamed man picking up a prostitute. All of this is pretty standard storytelling design and is done quite well. The first sentences introduce us to the subject matter (someone is killing homeless people and photographing the results), and the next paragraphs bring in the cop we expect to follow throughout the rest of the story. But that\u2019s where Wales throws us a zag when we were expecting a zig, and to be honest I wasn\u2019t sure how to take it at first. <\/span><\/p>\nOn the second page of this seven-page story, Detective Richards meets and chats with the killer who is hiding under the guise of one of the photographers at the scene. It\u2019s an interesting scene because by then it\u2019s pretty clear that the killer is using his media credentials to cover his tracks: \u201cOh, these? Yeah, I got these photos at the scene before the cops showed up. Not <\/span>my<\/span><\/i> fault they took so long to get there. Yeah, I know all rolls of film were supposed to be confiscated. Wrong They missed one, and <\/span>I <\/span><\/i>wasn\u2019t volunteering it. It\u2019s not <\/span>my <\/span><\/i>fault the cops can\u2019t do their jobs.\u201d <\/span><\/p>\nWe <\/span><\/i>know immediately that this Bryant guy is the killer, but Detective Richards doesn\u2019t. And when Richards recognizes Bryant\u2019s name because Richards\u2019 wife loves his coffee table books\u2026 and then Bryant gets the wife\u2019s name and address in return for a promised advanced copy of the next book\u2026 well, there\u2019s the big conflict of the story, right? How and when will the cop figure out the truth? <\/span>Before <\/span><\/i>or <\/span>after<\/span><\/i> Bryant decides to take his killing prowess beyond the safety of the homeless? Before or after Bryant kills Richards\u2019 wife? It\u2019s a pretty intense set-up, amiright? <\/span><\/p>\nWrong. That\u2019s the zig I was expecting. <\/span><\/p>\nBut Wales zags instead, and it turns out I was dead wrong. <\/span><\/p>\nWhat Wales does is totally abandon the character of Detective Richards. I mean that in as literal a sense I could. He has established the guy in a manner we both come to expect and approve of, but after his meeting with Johnathan Bryant, we never see him again. Instead, we start following <\/span>Bryant<\/span><\/i>, and it\u2019s this perspective we keep for the remainder of the story. <\/span><\/p>\nAs I mentioned above, I wasn\u2019t sure how to take this by the time I figured out Detective Richards was gone from the story. Did Wales drag us along needlessly for the first two pages? Or is this a successful bait \u2018n switch of the reader\u2019s expectations? Am I supposed to love or hate what the author has done? Am I to feel annoyance or admiration at having been duped? <\/span><\/p>\nGlancing up above at my overall grade for this story (an A-) it\u2019s pretty clear I ended up leaning toward the latter. But this was not without difficulty. The truth of the matter is that I still feel the story would have been better without the extended sequence where we get to know Richards. Use him as a place-holder for all cops? Yes. Sure. Definitely. <\/span><\/p>\nThe truth is that I <\/span>liked<\/span><\/i> seeing how city cops hated how so many reporters capitalized on tragedy to fill their pockets and advance their careers. This is a truth still relevant today. And the truth is I <\/span>liked<\/span><\/i> how Richards, a seasoned detective who remembered what it was like to be new on the force, took the time to give a rookie cop a compliment. And the truth is I <\/span>liked <\/span><\/i>the awkward intensity in the moment Richards writes his wife\u2019s name on his card and hands it over to the killer he\u2019s been looking for. It\u2019s all great stuff! But another truth is that the Richards story ultimately fell flat\u2026 it was fun, and the prose itself was well-written\u2026 but in the end it did very little to advance the story itself because the story is ultimately about Johnathan Bryant, not Detective Richards. <\/span><\/p>\nYes, there is a callback at the very end of the story: In what serves as an epilogue that comes <\/span>after<\/span><\/i> Bryant\u2019s death, a Mrs. Elaine Richards receives a mysterious package from the James Sheridan Publishing Company. The succinct letter enclosed explains that after Bryant\u2019s death a note was found in his apartment reminding himself to send her an advanced copy of what would prove to be his final book. This callback works well enough: We get the reminder of that moment of reader stress when Richards gives Bryant the card with Elaine\u2019s name on it, and in the story\u2019s final paragraphs we get a satifying explanation about the details of Bryant\u2019s death (namely that an entire roll of film—36 photos—were taken during Bryant\u2019s death, five of which make it into the final pages of his own book). But the point here is that the Detective Richards angle remains irrelevant. We could have gotten all of this by showing that scene from <\/span>Bryant\u2019s <\/span><\/i>perspective. The page and a half where we meet Richards… when we get know his quirks and mannerisms\u2026 well, <\/span>these<\/span><\/i> details remain unused. The callback to Elaine Richards is irrelevant to the detective himself. <\/span><\/p>\nWhat does work in \u201cEnd of the Line\u201d is pretty much everything else. Chief among what Wales does right is the character of Johnathan Bryant. He\u2019s a believable character because he isn\u2019t the stereotypical troubled child or psychopath. He\u2019s a desperate man who stumbled upon a grisly solution to a very real problem. <\/span><\/p>\nBryant knows his career as a photographer is approaching a standstill. There is only so much heart-string pulling one can do with coffee table books, after all. The first was a big success, and the second rode the coattails of the first. But he already knows that to do a third book in the same vein would be pushing the limits. It might sell well based on the success of the first two, but it would definitely be his last. If he manages another book, he knows, it needs to be something <\/span>different<\/span><\/i>, something grand. Otherwise, he could kiss his chances of breaking out and into real fame and fortune goodbye. What most appealing about Bryant is that he\u2019s smart enough to know all of this well in advance, and he goes on the hunt in city after city looking for something special. He even understands that the final book in his series—tentatively titled \u201cEnd of the Line\u201d— would have to show the sad but honest result of a life on the streets. So he visits morgues and crime scenes and captures hundreds of images. Murders. Suicides. Accident victims. All D.O.As. He\u2019s done nothing illegal and has only approached the morally ambiguous. But he has gotten no closer to finding anything good enough to salvage his career. <\/span><\/p>\nThen it happens. He does his best one night to drink away his frustrations. What happened next was an honest mistake, though one he\u2019d be found ultimately responsible for if the police ever found out. Leaving the parking lot, he didn\u2019t see the decrepit little old homeless man cross in front of him. Bryant\u2019s reaction is appropriate: confusion, fear, remorse. They are all there. And when he turns—when he does take the first steps towards what will eventually become his murderous new life—it is described in a passage that is as believable as it is shocking. I\u2019ll shared the relevant passage below. Keep in mind that this scene takes place about halfway through the story, so it\u2019s well after readers know Bryant is the killer. Wales, therefore, has tasked himself with humanizing the bad guy. Tell me if you think he did as good of a job at it as I do… <\/span><\/p>\nMelancholic, Johnathan staggered to his car, finding as he left the lot, the Scotch had hidden his sense of direction. <\/span><\/p>\nSearching for something familiar, he hadn\u2019t even seen the decrepit little old man stumble in front of the car. <\/span>\u00a0Thud, <\/span><\/i>he hit the brakes, <\/span>th-thud<\/span><\/i>. The car stopped. <\/span><\/p>\nJohnathan, now sober, jumped from the car and ran to its rear. \u201cOh God,\u201d his voice echoed off the barren streets. Something twisted within his stomach, and he vomited. <\/span><\/p>\nThe body lay crumpled like a broken toy; both legs twisted grotesquely in opposite directions. The left arm nearly torn in two, while the hand still clutched the neck of a shattered bottle. Sightless eyes stared up at him from a blood splattered face. A dark pool seeped out from beneath the head. <\/span><\/p>\nThe old man was dead. Nothing to do now except call the police. <\/span>The POLICE—Newspapers, Scandal—Goodbye Future, Goodbye Playboy, Goodbye Girls. <\/span><\/i><\/p>\nHad anyone seen? <\/span><\/p>\nJohnathan looked around for the first time. The street was deserted. <\/span><\/p>\nThe front of the car showed no damage. The old geezer probably hadn\u2019t weighted more than ninety pounds. Good. The rear fender had three small spots of wet blood. Suddenly calm, Johnathan retrieved his lens cleaning cloth and fluid from the car. No more blood. <\/span><\/p>\nNow all that remained was to get away. To\u2026 he looked again at the broken marionette on the street\u2026 to\u2026 <\/span>take a picture. <\/span><\/i>NO! His mind screamed. <\/span>Something has been missing. <\/span><\/i>No. <\/span>Hundreds of pictures, all stale. <\/span><\/i>No. <\/span>fresh\u2026 <\/span><\/i><\/p>\nJohnathan moved his car out of range and shot a half roll of film. <\/span><\/p>\nAll the way back to his motel, he wept. <\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\nThe sequence after this one brings out the darker side of Bryant. He orders breakfast the following morning and finds he still has an appetite. He develops the film and finds himself mixed with both joy and revulsion. He quickly realizes what he has to do and proceeds to hop from city to city, killing and photographing all manner of the homeless. He goes on like this for several months without any real remorse until he nearly gets caught the night Detective Richards asked him if he saw anyone leaving the prostitute\u2019s motel room. <\/span><\/p>\nThe story—and Bryant—turns again when he has the revelation that the man he killed at the start of the story was Reg, the same homeless man he met and semi-befriended back when working on his previous book. But this is merely window dressing in my humble eyes. It\u2019s a necessary part of the formula to finish the story. The real magic is that scene when Wales shows us the good hiding inside the bad.<\/span><\/p>\nTHE NEW: \u201cSeed\u201d<\/b><\/span><\/h5>\n![\"\"](\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.cemeterydance.com\/extras\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/11\/CD74_75.jpg?resize=275%2C350&ssl=1\")
AUTHOR:<\/b> Erin L. Kemper<\/span><\/p>\nAPPEARANCE:<\/b> Cemetery Dance <\/span><\/i>#74\/75: October, 2016<\/span>. <\/span><\/i>(Story #6 of 11)<\/span><\/p>\nA BRIEF PLOT SUMMARY (with spoilers!): <\/b>As a child psychologist for the police, Pauline\u2019s toughest case is Thomas Walden, a 12-year-old boy who had killed a school bully. In her first interview with him, he\u2019d told her \u201cMy family can\u2019t help me,\u201d and he was right. The Waldens were mysteriously dismissive: they refused to discuss Thomas and had even sent him into foster care. Stranger still, Pauline\u2019s research revealed the Waldens had five additional children, and Thomas wasn\u2019t even the strangest story among them. The third child, Chloe, had been put up for adoption. Why two of the Walden children had ultimately been cut adrift while the other four remained part of the family made no sense at all. <\/span><\/p>\nFive years later, Pauline visits Thomas on the morning of his release but is shocked to learn that for the first time a family member had come to visit him the day before. The security guard tells her it was Chloe and that the girl had a notable hunchback and limp. But when Pauline confronts Thomas about his sister, he still won\u2019t open up. \u201cStay away from my family,\u201d he says. \u201cFor my sake\u2026 for your sake.\u201d <\/span><\/p>\nPauline becomes convinced that finding Chloe is the only way to help Thomas. She eventually finds the girl living at a pillared mansion where dozens of other children are living, each with various, grotesque deformities. She also sees an adult chauffeur with a strange, scalded burn mark on the back of his neck. <\/span><\/p>\nUnlike Thomas, Chloe is friendly and easy to talk to. She explains that her \u201cDaddy\u201d knows where her real parents are and that her real parents know where she is as well. She tells Pauline that her new family is always growing stronger but that they need her help to bring Thomas to them. <\/span><\/p>\nPauline then meets \u201cDaddy,\u201d a withered, skeletal man near death who can no longer speak but whose eyes are nonetheless fierce and commanding. Pauline is then suddenly held in place by an unseen force—it is coming from Jared, a skeletal boy who resembles Daddy. <\/span><\/p>\n\u201cJared is Daddy\u2019s seed,\u201d Chloe explains. \u201cHis mind is so powerful, but his physical state deteriorates. My babies will be strong, with Thomas as the father. Our parents were Daddy\u2019s seed too. They were not special. Thomas and I, we <\/span>are<\/span><\/i> special. Our seed will be the strongest yet.\u201d <\/span><\/p>\nPauline is then branded in the same manner as the chauffeur. She feels tentacles unravel from the burn site and worm their way up and into her brain. Chloe then asks Pauline if she\u2019ll help get Thomas. <\/span><\/p>\nPauline realizes Thomas has spent his entire life trying to avoid his true self and his place within this horrid family. But she is helpless to resist. \u201cI will,\u201d she says, and in her mind she hears Daddy\u2019s voice: <\/span>Welcome. <\/span><\/i><\/p>\nMY GRADE: A+<\/b><\/p>\n
MY REVIEW:\u00a0<\/b>As a writer myself, I just love and respect a well-turned phrase. Ms. Kemper has several in her tale, but I\u2019ll just share two to prove my point. <\/span><\/p>\nThe first comes in the very beginning of the story, which is great because it establishes the tone and her talent immediately. Here it is\u2026<\/span><\/p>\nLater, in her drafty little flat with the kitchen table tight to the ticking radiator, Pauline updated her case notes. Papers spread across the Arborite, which glowed in the afternoon sunlight like skim milk.<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\nThere are two gems in this passage. I\u2019ll start with the less obvious one: <\/span><\/p>\nThe phrase \u201cthe kitchen table tight to the ticking radiator\u201d conveys so much in just eight simple words. First, it reveals that Pauline lives a meager life. We know this because A) her kitchen is so small that the table needs to be pushed up against one wall, and B) her heating is old—neither central a\/c nor floorboards. Second, the word “ticking” gives us such realism\u2026 anyone who has ever lived in a home with a radiator knows and relates well to that sound. Lastly, this early phrase helps to establish our emotional connection to Pauline. We both like and pity her. Here she is, trying to hard to help some poor kid, and she doesn\u2019t even have the luxury of living in a nice place. Overall, this a short but poignant turn of phrase that matches Pauline\u2019s environment to her persona: She is both honest and humble, just like her small kitchen. <\/span><\/p>\nThe more obvious gem, though, is the following simile: <\/span><\/p>\n… the Arborite, which glowed in the afternoon sunlight like skim milk.<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\nI\u2019ve mentioned in past posts about the power and beauty of a great simile, but I haven\u2019t done so in a while and it bears repeating. So if you\u2019ll pardon me putting my teacher\u2019s hat on for a moment, I\u2019ll explain why\u2026 <\/span><\/p>\nSimply put, the simile (or metaphor) is one of the last places a modern author has left to be <\/span>truly<\/span><\/i> creative. The goal of a simile is to elucidate a detail (I\u2019ll call it Object A) from the work at hand by comparing it to something (Object B) which the reader has likely experienced or can easily imagine from real life. In doing so, we take our experience of Object B and instantly better appreciate Object A from the story. When done right, this happens instantly with no real thought or study. We just <\/span>know<\/span><\/i> it\u2019s good. This is why a great simile is so fulfilling to the reader. <\/span><\/p>\nBut how <\/span>do<\/span><\/i> you write a great simile? <\/span><\/p>\nHow is it we know so quickly and without thought that something feels so right? \u00a0<\/span><\/p>\nI\u2019m glad you asked. <\/span><\/p>\nA great simile will do three things simultaneously:<\/span><\/p>\n\n- Show a <\/span>physical<\/span> connection between the two items\/ ideas.<\/span><\/li>\n
- Show an <\/span>emotional<\/span> connection between the two items\/ ideas.<\/span><\/li>\n
- The comparison of these two items\/ ideas is <\/span>unique<\/span>—ideally, nobody in the history of the world has ever before realized they even <\/span>
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