{"id":17813,"date":"2023-02-14T07:00:45","date_gmt":"2023-02-14T12:00:45","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.cemeterydance.com\/extras\/?p=17813"},"modified":"2023-01-31T22:35:02","modified_gmt":"2023-02-01T03:35:02","slug":"video-visions-bloody-valen-time","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.cemeterydance.com\/extras\/video-visions-bloody-valen-time\/","title":{"rendered":"Video Visions: It\u2019s Bloody Valen-Time"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"Black<\/p>\n

\"photoAh, February. Where love is in the air, or in many cases, a desperate need to find love by Valentine\u2019s Day. Maybe we let up on the horror gas for a spell, and let the heart run free.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Or, maybe love and death are meant to go hand in hand. Look at the phrase, <\/span>la petite mort<\/span><\/i>, aka, the little death, that blissful moment after you\u2019ve achieved the BIG-O and everything goes numb and still. To love is to die a little, bit by bit, orgasm by orgasm, heartbreak by heartbreak. It\u2019s a wonder we don\u2019t have a treasure trove of V-day themed horror movies. Maybe we\u2019re looking at this special day all wrong.<\/span><\/p>\n

I think I need to start with a love story and how it\u2019s bound to a very popular movie this time of year. That story would be mine. Now, if Cupid would aim that arrow somewhere else, I can get rolling.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\"wedding
The happy couple!<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Believe it or not, this hardcore horrorhound was not married on Halloween or the birthday of John Carpenter (January 16<\/span>th<\/span>) or on a random Friday the 13<\/span>th<\/span>. On the nose choices, all of them. But the fates of love and marriage, which go together like a horse and carriage, had other plans. No, the missus and I, who are celebrating thirty-one years, were betrothed on Valentine\u2019s Day. It was a Friday (so close to the 13<\/span>th<\/span>!) because Saturday wedding receptions were almost double in price.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Now, this marriage was to the same woman who would blow off work when we were dating so we could watch five or six rented horror movies at a time. We bonded in blood and screams, the horrid whine of chainsaws and slicing of machetes. Why on Earth would we choose such a sappy, Hallmark-made holiday?<\/span><\/p>\n

I\u2019ll tell you why\u2026and then get to the video horror. First, she was plucked out of a crowd in the mall and given a job by my manager at a vitamin store (the now defunct Vitamin Quota) because she looked like the dream girl I had drunkenly described to him when we stayed at the store late one night to keep an eye on the floor buffing crew. This raven haired dime was hired solely so I could date her. HR would not approve today (I weep for all of the loves that will never be today because of lawyers and HR managers and hashtag loving pinheads). My manager didn\u2019t know or care if she could do anything right or well. She was the embodiment of my dreams, therefore she was now an employee. So, day one I walk in, am told what happened while I was off, and I\u2019m pushed in her direction. She was stocking a low shelf with bottles of vitamin B. I nervously introduced myself and dared her to eat a vitamin B pill without puking (it was an actual game the VQ crew played when we were bored). She looked at me as if I had baby goat legs growing out of my ears.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

That didn\u2019t stop me from going full court press. Sure, she was out of my league. Hell, we weren\u2019t even in the same sport. But I was determined. After a week of careful wooing, using all of my so-called charms, I asked her out. She smiled and said, \u201cThat\u2019s so sweet. Sorry, I have a boyfriend.\u201d Crestfallen, I resigned myself to being alone. You see, I had broken up with a girl who was downright scary. She would put cigarettes out on her arms during movies and filed her eye teeth down to vampire points. After her, I thought I was done. And now this rejection confirmed it.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Not long after, I found myself sipping into the friend zone. I couldn\u2019t let it happen! Naturally, I kept asking how things were with the boyfriend, hoping for a chance. When she did break up with him, I hesitated to take my shot. Another dude slipped right in. How the hell was I supposed to get to the front of the line? (Pro tip: I ingratiated myself with her mother, which went a long way!)<\/span><\/p>\n

To make a long story short, after practically begging to take her out over the course of six months, she finally agreed! And our first date was going to coincide on Valentine\u2019s Day! Could it be any more perfect? My plan was to woo her with roses, chocolate and a huge teddy bear, and then take her to dinner and a movie. All spiffed up, my POS car loaded with presents, I rang her bell. Her sister told me she had gone to the movies with another guy. Whaaaat? Her sister looked as upset as I did. I spent the night driving in anger, tossing flowers and chocolate out of my window.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

The next day she called, apologizing over and over. Because I had been friend zoned, she hadn\u2019t been aware that I was serious about the date. Or so she still tells me. Still angry at her, we did go out that night. Instead of a super special first date, we had burgers at Fuddruckers and my car got a ticket for being parked in a tow zone. Despite all of that, we agreed to a second date. That was a trip to the movies to see <\/span>A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors<\/span><\/i>. And so, our fates were sealed.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

It seemed only natural to get hitched the same date that was a mix of pleasure and pain, young love and early death. I mean, that\u2019s what life is all about, right? Plus, there was no way I could forget our anniversary. On a side note, I intentionally proposed to her four years later on Pearl Harbor Day, again because I would never forget the date. And as my dad said, \u201cYou\u2019re going down with the ship now, boy.\u201d\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

One of the things we loved at our local video store was the endcap display that would pop up for special occasions. They were big on horror, so our favorite flicks had their own featured recommendations from the staff. Our dating and wedding anniversaries always involved watching movies at some point. Sure, some of them were in that area behind the squeaky saloon doors, but we always went to the horror recommendation shelf with the bloody heart decorations. Let me tell you, there was never much to recommend. For the first few years, there was only <\/span>Hospital Massacre<\/span><\/i> (aka X-Ray with Barbi Benton, a totally demented flick), anything slightly erotic like <\/span>The Hunger<\/span><\/i>, and the original <\/span>My Bloody Valentine<\/span><\/i>. Later on, the dreadful <\/span>Valentine<\/span><\/i> was added, but we didn\u2019t dare rent it. We saw it on opening day in the theater and let\u2019s just say it was the anti-Viagra of horror.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n