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It was one of those unwinnable discussions you get into now and then with strangers in bars.\u00a0 The kind that can turn confrontational because nobody ever changes anybody else\u2019s outlook or opinion.\u00a0 Politics, religion, sports — the topic doesn\u2019t really matter.\u00a0 This time it happened to be horror movies.<\/p>\n
The tavern was a small neighborhood place not far from Golden Gate Park.\u00a0 I\u2019d been there a few times before.\u00a0 Some of the other quiet bars in the area, too.\u00a0 When you live alone and have no friends, and spend your days at home designing action-adventure video games, you crave a little human companionship now and then.\u00a0 This was one of those nights.\u00a0 I was in a mood to talk and drink for a while with anyone willing to talk and drink with me.<\/p>\n
There were only two people in the place, even though it was after nine o\u2019clock — a bald-headed bartender I didn\u2019t remember seeing before, and at the far corner of the bar a little guy wrapped in a heavy coat and hunched over a glass of something that glinted dark red in the backbar lights. I picked out a stool two removed from where the little guy was sitting, at right angles to him.\u00a0 He looked up at me, cocking his head to one side. I saw then that he was elderly, between seventy and eighty at a guess, with a shriveled-gourd face and hair as fuzzy-thin and white as an Angora cat\u2019s. His eyes were bright and sharp, though.\u00a0 They held on mine in a way that said he wouldn\u2019t mind some company himself.<\/p>\n
\u201cCold night,\u201d I said. \u201cMust be in the forties out there.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes. Very cold.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat brings you out on a night like this, if you don\u2019t mind my asking?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI have been to the cinema.\u201d<\/p>\n
Cinema. He didn\u2019t speak with an accent, but his English was too precise to be natural to him. Foreign-born, probably, emigrated to this country at a young age. Naturalized citizen. That\u2019s a game I play when I meet somebody for the first time — try to figure out something about them from the way they look and talk and act.<\/p>\n
The bartender came down and I ordered Wild Turkey neat. \u201cPour one for yourself,\u201d I said then.<\/p>\n
\u201cCan\u2019t do it,\u201d he said. He patted his paunch. \u201cUlcer.\u201d<\/p>\n
I looked at the old man. \u201cHow about you? Another of whatever you\u2019re having?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes, thank you. The same, please, George.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cOne Turkey neat, one port. Coming up.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cSo you\u2019ve been to the cinema,\u201d I said to the old guy, making conversation.\u00a0 \u201cWhat did you see?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThere is a theater nearby that is showing classic films.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cIs that so? What was on tonight?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cDracula<\/em>.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThe \u201931 original with Lugosi?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYes, but it is not the true original, only the first spoken version.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThat\u2019s right,\u201d I said. \u201cThe first vampire flick was a silent, made it Germany around 1920.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201c1922,\u201d the old guy said. \u201cNosferatu, eine Symphonie des Grauens<\/em>. The role of Count Orlok was played by Max Shrek. It is the earliest surviving screen version depicting Dracula, but it is not the first vampire film.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cFour others preceded it, all produced in this country and all with similar titles.\u201d He ticked them off on his fingers. \u201cThe Vampire<\/em>, based on the Kipling poem, in 1910. The Vampire<\/em> in 1915. Vampire Ambrose<\/em> in 1916. Vampire<\/em> in 1920.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cProbably all lost now,\u201d I said.<\/p>\n \u201cTwo are not lost.\u00a0 I have copies.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo kidding? I didn\u2019t know any of those obscure silents were available on DVD.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThey are not.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201c\u2026You don\u2019t mean you have original sixteen-millimeter prints?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYes.\u00a0 I do.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWow,\u201d I said, impressed. \u201cMust have taken some doing to track them down.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cIt was very difficult, yes.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAnd expensive, I\u2019ll bet.\u201d<\/p>\n He had nothing to say to that.<\/p>\n \u201cI wouldn\u2019t mind seeing them,\u201d I said. \u201cYou also have Nosferatu<\/em>?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYes.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019d really like to see that one.\u201d<\/p>\n It was as much a feeler question as a comment, but he just let it lie there without picking it up. Okay, so no invitation.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m not exactly a horror movie buff myself,\u201d I said, \u201cbut I do have quite a few in my DVD collection. Some of the more recent vampire flicks like Blade<\/em> and Let the Right One In<\/em>,<\/u> but I prefer the earlier ones.\u00a0 Vincent Price in The Last Man on Earth<\/em>.\u00a0 Christopher Lee as the Prince of Darkness in the \u201958 Hammer production\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n The old guy\u2019s mouth had quirked up as if he wanted to spit. \u201cTrash,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n \u201cTrash?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cModern films do not stimulate the mind, they assault the senses.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou consider movies made in the 1950s and ’60s modern?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI do. Yes.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOh, I get it,\u201d I said. “You\u2019re one of those people who dislike color. Everything in your collection is black and white or grainy sepia, right?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThere is far greater subtlety and nuance in films of black and white,\u201d he said stiffly. \u201cBut it is not color that I dislike.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhat, then?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cBarbarism. Visual obscenities.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou mean in-your-face violence?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI do not care to view torn flesh and fountains of blood.\u201d<\/p>\n The bartender had brought our drinks and was standing off a little way, listening or trying not to listen. I treated myself to a long pull of Wild Turkey; the old guy took a small, delicate sip from his fresh glass of port.<\/p>\n I said, \u201cSo what else do you collect besides bloodless black and white vampire flicks?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNothing else.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo interest in werewolves? The Frankenstein monster? Mummies and Egyptian curses?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThe only truly frightening creature of legend is the vampire.\u201d<\/p>\n Something to do with where he was born, I thought. Hungary, Croatia, Transylvania — one of those places where the vampire legend was deeply ingrained in the culture.<\/p>\n \u201cMaybe, if you say so. But there are a lot of other pretty horrific things on film.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cPerhaps,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n \u201cNot perhaps — definitely.\u00a0 Hellspawn beings, for instance.\u00a0 The demon in Curse of the Demon<\/em>, Damian, Rosemary\u2019s baby.\u201d<\/p>\n Quick dismissive flip of his hand.<\/p>\n \u201cWitches and warlocks. Burn, Witch, Burn, The Blair Witch Project<\/em>.\u201d<\/p>\n Flip.<\/p>\n \u201cGhosts and other supernatural creatures,\u201d I said. He was starting to annoy me. \u201cThe Uninvited, The Haunting of Hill House, Ghost Story<\/em>.\u201d<\/p>\n Flip.<\/p>\n \u201cOne of Poe\u2019s death obsessions — The Premature Burial, Masque of the Red Death, The Tell-Tale Heart<\/em>.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cSuch things do not interest or disturb me.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou\u2019re one of the few then.\u00a0 How about giant beasts?\u00a0 King Kong, the Abominable Snowman, Bigfoot, Godzilla.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cChildish nonsense.\u201d<\/p>\n Now I was really annoyed. \u201cYou could say the same about vampires.\u201d<\/p>\n He pursed his lips and peered again into the dark red depths of his port.<\/p>\n \u201cOkay then. \u00a0The Creature from the Black Lagoon<\/em>. The flesh-eating zombies in Night of the Living Dead<\/em>.\u201d<\/p>\n Flip.<\/p>\n I said between my teeth, \u201cBeings from another planet. You must\u2019ve seen the original black-and-white Invasion of the Body Snatchers<\/em>.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOn television, yes.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAnd?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cIt did not frighten me.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhat about Alien<\/em>? That one gave me chills.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI have not seen it.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWell, that\u2019s no surprise. Too recent, too bloody, too color.\u201d<\/p>\n He gave me a long unreadable look. \u201cTell me, young man. What is it that truly frightens you? What is your secret fear?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cMy what?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cSurely there is one horror that frightens you more than any other. What is yours? Alien beings from another world?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo. You want to know what kind of flick scares me the most, Pop? Okay, I\u2019ll tell you. The ones about human monsters, the crazies that commit wholesale slaughter for no reason except homicidal compulsion or the sheer joy of it.\u00a0 They\u2019re the most terrifying.\u201d<\/p>\n No comment. But no flip, either.<\/p>\n \u201cNorman Bates, there\u2019s one example,\u201d I said. \u201cYou ever see Hitchcock\u2019s Psycho<\/em>?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOnce, long ago. It did not move me.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWell, that shower scene moved me<\/em>.\u201d I swallowed some more sour mash.\u201cJack the Ripper, Norman Bates, Freddy Krueger, Hannibal Lector, the Jigsaw Killer — they\u2019re the riders in my nightmares.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYet you have viewed such films, perhaps even own them.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cViewed them once, that\u2019s all. I don\u2019t own any.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhy view them at all?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThe way to deal with what scares you is to face it, not hide from it. And I always feel sorry for the victims.\u201d<\/p>\n A shrug this time. \u201cDo you?\u201d he said as if he didn\u2019t believe me.<\/p>\n Well, all right. I\u2019d had enough. \u201cWhat about your secret fear, Pop?\u201d I said, sharp. \u201cVampires, right?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo. I do not fear vampires.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cSure you do. You imagine what it would be like to be attacked by one of those phantom bloodsuckers and to become one yourself — a deep-down, gut-churning, irrational fear. That\u2019s why you don\u2019t like to see the bloody modern versions; they make your fear too real, too intense. Instead of confronting it, you take the coward\u2019s way — pretend that collecting old black-and-white vampire flicks is just a hobby, that they stimulate the mind and all the rest of that shit you spouted\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n The old guy didn\u2019t let me finish. He shoved his stool back and stood up. He wasn\u2019t looking at me anymore; his face had a pinched, chalky look. He lifted his glass and drained it in a series of quick sips, set it down, walked around behind me and straight out of the tavern without a word or a backward glance. The wind slammed the door shut after him.<\/p>\n The bartender came over. \u201cCouldn\u2019t help overhearing,\u201d he said. \u201cYou hit him where he lives.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYeah.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t mean to be so rough on him, but he was getting under my skin.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHe had it coming. Harmless old bird, but when it comes to his favorite subject he can be a pain in the ass. Vampires, for Christ\u2019s sake.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHe can\u2019t help it,\u201d I said. \u201cPart of his heritage, probably. None of us can help where we were born or what we were born with or who we are.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cGuess you\u2019re right. Like another Wild Turkey?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019d better not. Time for me to get something to eat. I haven\u2019t had dinner yet.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThere\u2019s a pretty good diner over on Irving. Maude\u2019s Caf\u00e9.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThanks. Maybe I\u2019ll give it a try.\u201d<\/p>\n I went back to the men\u2019s room. While I was emptying my bladder, I thought that talking to the old man about secret fears had touched a nerve in me, too; put me a little on edge. If I watched one of my DVDs before I went to bed tonight, as I usually do, it wouldn\u2019t be a horror flick. Even a mild one of those was liable to give me nightmares.<\/p>\n There was a rear exit near the rest rooms, so I went out that way. Narrow alley, stuffed with cold black. I pulled up the collar on my coat and started toward the faintly lit mouth at the far end.<\/p>\n Noise up ahead. Movement.<\/p>\n Something or somebody lurking behind that line of garbage cans?<\/p>\n I stopped, keening the shadows. Nothing but the wind for a few seconds. Then I picked up more sound and movement, a clicking and a scurrying.<\/p>\n Rat. Young one.<\/p>\n Instinctively I measured the distance. Twenty feet, well within the limit of my reach. I caught the animal with a quick release of my second tongue, expanded my jaws, snapped the rat back into my mouth, bit off the head and tail, and ate the rest in two bites.<\/p>\n Good. Warm and juicy.<\/p>\n I moved on through the windy dark, out of the alley and over toward Golden Gate Park. There was plenty of small game in there. I was always cautious while hunting; tonight I\u2019d be extra careful. Dangerous people, crazy people, sometimes prowl the Park at night.<\/p>\n The rat had been tasty, but not much more than an appetizer.<\/p>\n I was still hungry.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" \u201cSecret Fears\u201d by Bill Pronzini It was one of those unwinnable discussions you get into now and then with strangers in bars.\u00a0 The kind that can turn confrontational because nobody ever changes anybody else\u2019s outlook or opinion.\u00a0 Politics, religion, sports — the topic doesn\u2019t really matter.\u00a0 This time it happened to be horror movies.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":5,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[316],"tags":[1219,1622,3251],"class_list":["post-19231","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-free-fiction","tag-bill-pronzini","tag-free-fiction","tag-secret-fears"],"yoast_head":"\n