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\u00a0<\/em>Cut<\/strong> (v):\u00a0make (a movie) into a coherent whole by removing parts or placing them in a different order.<\/em><\/p>\n Guys and gals, we\u2019re less than a week away from Halloween.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n I don\u2019t make the news. I just report it. A week! And while I see that all my horror-loving buddies challenging themselves to watch a horror movie a day, or creating lists for All Hallow\u2019s Read<\/a>, I myself… I\u2019m…<\/span><\/p>\n This is hard for me to admit, but: I\u2019m not <\/span>feeling<\/span><\/i> it this year. At least not yet.<\/span><\/p>\n It\u2019s not for lack of trying. I\u2019m busy, but on my way to work I\u2019ve been photographing my various neighbor\u2019s Halloween displays, and have been trying to keep my reading seasonally-appropriate even if it\u2019s just a couple of pages before bed. But, for the first time ever, maybe I just have too much going on. New job, writing deadlines, life stuff: ya’ know how it is. <\/span><\/p>\n There\u2019s been nary a spare second for me to poison my body with pumpkin spice-infused anything.<\/span><\/p>\n So now I\u2019ve only got a week to make it ALL happen. <\/span><\/p>\n Let me ask: have you, dear reader, found yourself nodding along with my above description of the season-thus-far? Well, take my hand. Let us walk together through the pumpkin patch and fill our eyes, ears, and hearts with the one holiday that we don\u2019t care that the merchandise and branded cereal is on the shelves months ahead of time.<\/span><\/p>\n Before I get started, let me say: this isn\u2019t one of those man-baby nostalgia trips (although 75% of this holiday, for everyone over the age of 10, is nostalgia-based. It\u2019s better if we admit that). No. I\u2019m going to try and skew age-appropriate with most of the following bullet points. <\/span><\/p>\n And that\u2019s because as great as <\/span>Ernest Scared Stupid<\/span><\/i><\/a> is… I feel like I can run the whole movie through without ever turning the TV on. Also want to note that, while I did mention my job getting in the way, this list is not meant to be one of those millennial \u201cugh! Adulting is so hard!!\u201d listicles. This is <\/span>Cemetery Dance Online<\/span><\/i>. You want pilfered memes and teh internet speak: go elsewhere.<\/span><\/p>\n This is just me trying to fill a month into a week of fun. So here we go. I plan on doing all of this stuff before the big day:<\/span><\/p>\n Okay, I said that I was going to try to act halfway adult making this list and then my first word of advice is \u201ccarve a funny face in a squash!\u201d but seriously: as someone who\u2019s never really been artistically inclined, there is nothing more fun (or seasonal) than carving a jack o\u2019lantern. <\/span><\/p>\n It\u2019s the tactile nature of it. It\u2019s the skill involved. It\u2019s the fact that most times you\u2019re tasked with creating your masterpiece with inferior tools (for real: how many of those tiny little saws have I busted in my lifetime? Fifty? A hundred?). It\u2019s the smell.<\/span><\/p>\n Since college, I\u2019ve been trying to get the people around me to indulge in some pumpkin disfigurement. And I\u2019m lucky enough that they\u2019ve humored me. With my girlfriend this has become a yearly tradition (or a competition…), with us each choosing a pattern from Zombie Pumpkins<\/a>\u00a0and doing our best with it. Here are some of our masterpieces:<\/span><\/p>\n If you like those, definitely toss Zombie Pumpkins a couple bucks to print out their designs. <\/span><\/p>\n It doesn\u2019t matter if you live in the middle of nowhere or in a bustling metropolitan hub: the haunted attraction industry is booming and I guarantee that there is a grade-A haunted house within an hour\u2019s drive of you.<\/span><\/p>\n For a couple of years running, I\u2019ve been hitting up Philadelphia\u2019s Eastern State Penitentiary for their <\/span>Terror Behind the Walls<\/span><\/i><\/a> event: one of the country\u2019s most historic abandoned prisons converted into a multi-house haunted attraction. <\/span><\/p>\n It. Is. Dope.<\/span><\/p>\n But this year I think we\u2019re going to switch it up and hit South Philly\u2019s <\/span>Fright Factory<\/span><\/i><\/a>.<\/span><\/p>\n For me, a good haunt packs the thrills and \u201cwow look how cool that is\u201d moments of like 10 horror movies. <\/span><\/p>\n Get a babysitter for the kids, grab your significant other, and go pay to be menaced by a guy with a chainsaw.<\/span><\/p>\n With the advent of Netflix, Amazon Prime, Shudder, etc.: this is now the easiest item on this list to accomplish. <\/span><\/p>\n Hell, you\u2019re probably doing it right now: is that<\/span> Baskin<\/span><\/i><\/a> you\u2019ve got opened up in the other tab? How is that? I hear good things…<\/span><\/p>\n But if you\u2019re lucky enough to live in a city with a repertory theater scene: most of them are playing horror movies this week! And if you\u2019re in Philly like I am, then the madmen at Exhumed Films<\/a>\u00a0are showing 24 hours of 35mm horror classics during their annual 24-Hour Horrorthon.<\/span><\/p>\n I\u2019ll be there. But I may not be there for all 24 hours. <\/span><\/p>\n I\u2019ll probably be too tired from…<\/span><\/p>\n I mean, on October 26\u00a0this is going to be something I do in a semi-professional manner. I\u2019ve been invited by Christoph Paul to read at KGB Bar in New York. The line-up includes Brian Keene, Mary SanGiovanni, Nick Cato, Paul, and Leza Cantoral. The info for that event is here<\/a> and we\u2019d love to see you.<\/span><\/p>\n But even if you don\u2019t fancy yourself a writer or aren\u2019t doing something like that, it doesn\u2019t mean you can\u2019t pick up an anthology of classics, get a few friends together, and belt out a couple of spooky stories. <\/span><\/p>\n Alternatively, if you\u2019ve got kids, then sit them down and read them some Edward Lee. We all have to grow up sometime.<\/span><\/p>\n I plan on capping off October by getting dressed up as Dracula and handing out candy to the neighborhood trick or treaters. It may seem like the obvious thing to do—but I sincerely hope that you\u2019ll be spending your Halloween the same way. <\/span><\/p>\n I mean, you don\u2019t have to be Dracula, you can be dressed as whatever the heck you want. But the important thing is that us Halloween-loving adults rein in our selfish \u201cbut I want to enjoy the holiday too!\u201d impulses and pay the joy of the season forward. Pay it forward to the kids who the night\u2019s really supposed to be about. <\/span><\/p>\n You never know if the little boy or girl dressed as their favorite cartoon character is taking note of their wacky neighbor. You know the one. The guy or gal with the Stephen King sleeve tattoo or the Morticia Addams haircut year-round. Because maybe, just maybe, you\u2019re the cool older kid in the neighborhood (even if you\u2019re a grownass adult) who inspires them to keep that Halloween spirit going a little past its expiration date.<\/span><\/p>\n Then we got another horror fan.<\/span><\/p>\n Happy Halloween, everyone!<\/span><\/p>\n I know I\u2019ve been away from CD for a little while, but I\u2019ll be back next month with a new Paper Cuts column. Probably. <\/span><\/p>\n If you\u2019re just joining us with this installment: please check out my other pieces here<\/a>.<\/span><\/p>\n Adam Cesare is a New Yorker who lives in Philadelphia. He studied English and film at Boston University. His books include <\/em>Mercy House,\u00a0Video Night, The Summer Job,\u00a0and <\/em>Tribesmen.\u00a0He has an oft-neglected\u00a0website<\/a>\u00a0and tweets as @Adam_Cesare.<\/a>\u00a0H<\/em>e also has a YouTube channel<\/a> where he offers book and movie recommendations and is currently doing a 7-month read-along of Stephen King\u2019s The Dark Tower series.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"\n
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